My
brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau
and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is
not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed
me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with
a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on
it was still attached.
"Jan
bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or
9 years ago. She never wore it. She
was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the
occasion."
He
took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes
we were taking to the mortician.
His
hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed
the drawer shut and turned to me.
"Don't
ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive
is a special occasion."
I
remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad
chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about all the
things that she hadn't seen, or heard, or done. I thought about
the things that she had done, without realizing that they were
special.
I'm
still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life.
I'm
reading more and dusting less.
I'm
sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about
the weeds in the garden.
I'm
spending more time with my family and friends and less time in
committee meetings.
I
wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.
I'm
not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware
stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well
as my party-going friends'.
"Someday" and "one
of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's
worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and
do it now.
I'm
not sure what my sister would have done, had she known that she
wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. She
might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend
fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone
out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing - I'll
never know.
It's
those little things left undone that would make me angry if I
knew that my hours were limited. I'm trying very hard not to
put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter
and luster to our lives.
Whenever
possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savour, not
endure.
I'm
trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
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