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Finding your soulmate connection
I have been thinking about soulmates a lot lately. Recently
a fellow relationship coach told me the story of Heather,
a woman in her early 40’s. She has never married, though
she has had several lengthy relationships over the years.
Then late last year she met Andrew. There was something different
about Andrew. The conversations were richer, the walks in
the park more romantic, the time together more comfortable
and more vibrant. Heather is pretty intuitive, and this relationship
felt different than any other she had experienced. She knew
she had fallen in love and found someone with whom she could
make a life commitment.
Andrew, however, was resistant.
He acknowledged that their time together was special, that
he loved Heather and that he really felt energized being with
her. But, he said to Heather, “I don’t think you
are my soulmate.” Andrew recalled a past relationship
in which he and his partner would often find themselves simultaneously
thinking the same thing. He also said that he envisioned a
“soulmate” as being very much like himself, thinking
that such similarity would help assure the success of the
relationship.
Andrew also pointed to differences
between them. He was from the South, while Heather was from
Boston. Heather’s parents had graduate degrees and were
upper middle class, while Andrew’s parents were working
class folks. In addition, he noted, his company required him
to relocate periodically and to travel a lot. He feared Heather
would resent those moves, though she insisted she would not.
Despite Heather’s pleas
to reconsider and her attempt to persuade Andrew that his
resistance was contradictory to his description of their relationship,
Andrew insisted that they end their relationship, though insisting
he wanted to remain “friends.” Heather was heartbroken
and puzzled. Did Andrew have it right—were they not
really soulmates? But if that were true, why did her time
with Andrew feel so right. What does it really mean to “find
your soulmate?”
Thomas Moore, author of Soulmates,
suggests that a soulmate is “someone to whom we feel
profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing
. . . between us were not the product of intentional efforts,
but rather a divine grace.” My wife and I have often
referred to ourselves as “soulmates.” Thinking
about Heather and Andrew has caused me to reflect more on
what that really means. It certainly does not mean that we
always agree—we don’t. Nor does it mean that we
are exactly alike. We’re not. What then does this elusive
term “soulmate” mean?
I would like to suggest that
there are two criteria for a soulmate connection. First, a
soulmate is one who shares your vision and attitude about
life and views the world “through the same glasses”
as you do. Second, a soulmate is as concerned about your happiness
and your pursuit of your life’s dreams, as he/she is
about his/her own.
As I worked through the pain,
grief, and inevitable self-discovery following the end of
my first marriage of over 25 years, I begin to realize that
my first wife—a fine person with whom I continue to
enjoy a valued relationship—and I viewed the world from
a completely different perspective. I often told the story
of being with our two children on Mt. Mansfield in Stowe,
Vermont. One can drive to the peak of the mountain, but then
it must be explored on foot. One of the natural attractions
is the “Nose,” a rock formation that requires
some modest agility to climb. My daughter—10 or 12 at
the time, promptly scampered up to the crest of the nose.
I followed as far as I could go before my fear of heights
stopped me. When we climbed down, her mother asked “Why
on earth would you climb up there?” My daughter Heidi
promptly answered “Because its there.” I understand
exactly what Heidi meant, though her mother did not. When
I met my wife Carol I discovered that she was always the first
one up the mountain—“because its there.”
I invite you to think about
your vision of life and its purposes. Where is your life leading
you? What is your purpose in life? What to you want to be,
do, and have in life? Give some time to forming your vision
or world view. Then armed with your vision be alert to a partner
who brings a similar vision to life. Then be aware of whether
this partner is as genuinely concerned about encouraging you
to follow your dreams and pursue your life vision, as he or
she is about pursuing his own. If you find all that, chances
are you have found your soulmate connection.
| Authors
Details: Kenneth and Carol Sprang, direct Bethesda-Chevy
Chase Counseling & Consulting in Bethesda, providing
Imago Relationship Therapy, relationship and executive
coaching, individual and couples counseling, and business
consulting. Web
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More Articles On Soulmate Connections
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(Are
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(Find
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(Soulmates
Your Magic Mirror) |
