Managing Relationship
Problems
Each one of us has our own
way to cope with stress in our relationships. When couples
disagree, the goal is to be able to listen and respond to
each other so that you can work together to resolve the problem.
At times, though, couples can get caught up in stress styles
that aren’t helpful.
For example, when one partner
tends to avoid conflict and the other is more aggressive the
relationship may become unbalanced. The quieter, conflict-avoidant
partner will soon find that their needs are being neglected
and will begin to feel dissatisfied while the more aggressive
partner may not even suspect the depth of unhappiness that
their partner is experiencing.
This is what happened to Jack
and Mary. Mary was very comfortable asking Jack for what she
needed in the relationship. In fact, because she grew up the
oldest of three children, she sometimes felt entitled to insisting
on having things her way. Jack sometimes wasn’t sure
what he needed and had trouble expressing what he wanted from
Mary. In addition, Jack had learned growing up that his “job”
in a relationship was to “take care” of his partner
even at the expense of his own needs. As a result, when Jack
finally realized that his needs weren’t being considered,
he was resentful and angry. Mary was surprised because she
had assumed that the relationship was fine since Jack wasn’t
asking for anything and when he did occasionally ask he would
quickly acquiesce to Mary.
Recognizing your own style
of managing relationship stress and becoming empathetic toward
your partner’s style can help you as a couple approach
each other with more open hearts. I have even offered a “money
back guarantee” to couples that when they practice managing
their stress styles, the relationship will improve.
The first step is identifying
your own style. When you sense a disagreement in the air do
you:
*Become
aggressive, believing that the “best defense is a good
offense"?
*Move quickly to a “win –
lose” perspective?
*Blame your partner?
*Avoid the conflict at all costs?
*Agree with your partner to avoid conflict?
*Change the subject?
Using any one of these negative
stress styles can quickly either escalate your conversation
or end it prematurely, blocking any meaningful communication
between you. The good news is that you are in charge of your
own stress style. You can choose to respond to your partner
instead of reacting. Next time you sense that you and your
partner are heading into an old pattern of negative communication
try these steps:
1. Remind yourself that you
are in charge of your own stress style. Resolve to keep a
respectful tone.
2. Be resilient in listening
by focusing your energy on understanding what your partner
is feeling. Ask your partner to share their concerns. You
will have time to share your own concerns and feelings. Now
is the time to listen deeply to your partner’s thoughts.
3. When your partner feels
that you have understood him/her then take your turn to share
your feelings and concerns as well.
Listening, feeling understood
and knowing that you care about each other’s thoughts
and feelings will build good will between you and help you
to move onto solving the problem. Managing the negative stress
style cycle is a good first step toward helping you feel that
you and your partner are on the same team, not on opposing
sides. When you can move on to solving the problem, your relationship
wins.
| Authors Details: Managing
Relationship Problems - Wanda Sevey Web
Site |
More Articles On Managing Relationship Problems
Break
Up Advice
Sex
Relationship Advice
Managing
Relationship Problems
Relationship
Advice
Relationship
Help - 12 Tips
Abusive
Relationships - Warning Signs
Long
Distance Relationships
Free
Relationship Advice - 10 Tips
Love
Relationships
Relationship
Tips |
