| Sex Relationship
Advice
Sex As Microcosm For Relationship Power Struggles
He wants it more. She wants
it less—a scenario so familiar that I don’t need
to tell you what “it” is. And despite the mythology
of popular culture, it’s very common for roles to be
reversed, the man in the relationship expressing less sexual
desire than the woman. Wherever you find a discrepancy in
libido—and this is the rule in committed relationships
more than the exception—there is going to be conflict.
This conflict, left unresolved, leads to escalating tension,
resentment and—not surprisingly—less and less
sex. A Sex in America study found, in fact, that 1 in 5 married
couples have sex fewer than 10 times per year. But what creates
this ongoing tug-of-war between the so-called low desire and
high desire partner? And can this situation be resolved, or
is it simply an inevitable consequence of differing physiological
and psychological needs and wants?
Sex as Power Struggle
Tracy was a successful attorney.
Her husband, Greg, was a struggling artist. They engaged in
heated conflicts, time and again, about Greg’s relative
lack of sexual desire. Matters were complicated by the fact
that this lack of desire only seemed to apply to Tracy, as
Greg regularly used pornography. But why would Greg “redirect”
his libido away from Tracy when this clearly caused conflict?
Sex is a microcosm for the
relationship as whole. And relationships tend to encounter
persistent friction in the form of power struggle. When one
individual feels somehow devalued or overlooked in the relationship,
he or she often tries to define him or herself by “staking
a claim” in other areas of the relationship—sexual
behaviors being favorite targets for this unconscious strategy.
Greg, for example, felt inadequate in the relationship as
he wasn’t fulfilling the traditional male role of the
“bread winner.” Feeling rather powerless in this
area, he tried to define himself—and exert his individual
will—by withholding sexually. Obviously, such power
struggles are ultimately self-defeating, as they merely restrict
and limit the experience of both partners.
Balancing the Scale
Since the low desire partner
is often attempting to reclaim personal power at a deeply
unconscious level, simply planning a romantic dinner is unlikely
to facilitate a genuine sexual connection. Rather, both individuals
must work at deeper and more authentic emotional and behavioral
layers to express their valuing of one another as equally
important members of the relationship. Following are a few
tips to facilitate this enhanced interpersonal balance:
* Listening to one another
without interrupting. Interrupting your partner communicates
that you feel you have more of a “right” to speak
than he or she does.
* Showing sincere interest in one another’s careers.
Asking your partner about his or her work day—and actively
listening to the details—communicates respect for this
very important aspect of your partner’s self-identity.
* Equally dividing household chores and similar tasks. When
one partner is expected to carry a disproportionate amount
of chores—especially when both partners have careers—the
other individual is communicating a sense of privilege or
entitlement within the relationship.
* Complimenting rather than criticizing. Habitual criticism
of your partner suggests that you feel he or she is unworthy
of your commitment, and needs to work harder to “earn”
your affection.
| Authors Details: 'Sex Relationship
Advice' James Robbins Web
Site |
More Articles On Relationship Advice
Break
Up Advice
Sex
Relationship Advice
Managing
Relationship Problems
Relationship
Advice
Relationship
Help - 12 Tips
Abusive
Relationships - Warning Signs
Long
Distance Relationships
Free
Relationship Advice - 10 Tips
Love
Relationships
Relationship
Tips |
