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Find Your Soul Mate
When I saw him for the first time, it was as if time stood
still. The air became thick and hazy with an almost tangible
frenetic energy. My heart seemed to stop beating, my breath
caught in my throat, and a tingle shot through my body like
liquid fire. I was fourteen years old at the time, and he
did become the first great love of my life. If he had not
died at the age of 18, he may have been my only "true
love," though time and experience have taught me that
this is rather unlikely. The fact that he did die young and
I did go on to another similar experience of love taught me
a few things at a young age about the nature of "soul
mates."
All
the cliches about love at first sight arise from the real
experience of recognizing someone we love from a past life.
The intense and immediate sense of intimacy in such a connection
is powerful, and throughout the years it has become obvious
through my spiritual reading work that everyone wants to have
a magical soul mate experience. The usual questions cover
a range of course, from, "Will I ever find my soul mate?"
to "Is he my soul mate?" to, "I thought she
was my soul mate, what happened?"
We
all share a deep, primal inner longing for a sense of perfect
union that has taken on the label "soul mate" in
recent years. This driving "romantic" urge has been
examined from all kinds of perspectives. Physical scientists
attribute it to biochemistry and hormones. Anthropologists
explain it by examining cultural myths, procreative instincts
and mating behavior. Psychologists attribute it to deep-seated
issues arising from childhood and our desire for reunion with
our mothers, our first and "perfect" loves. None
of these are exclusive or necessarily contradictory theories.
As with all experiences in the physical, beneath them lies
a spiritual root or reality from which these manifestations
of desire arise.
Desire
makes the world go around. It is desire that fuels all life
and all creation. Desire leads to procreation, new life, ambition,
all creativity, and every kind of union. It is desire for
union or a divine sense of "Oneness" that inspires
our fantasies for a soul mate experience. Our Western obsession
with Romance has perhaps led to a distorted quest for that
sense of Oneness in another person; our new holy grail is
the "soul mate."
The
problem with this is that what we truly seek is unlimited
and unconditional, and Romantic love falls short of that ideal.
We do long for the unconditional love that most of us have
only known from our mothers. This experience of unconditional
mother-love most closely resembles the sense of total peace
and wholeness that can only truly be found in "God,"
or the Divine. Romance by its nature, however, is not unconditional
or unlimited.
In
Romantic love, our feelings are dependent upon what we receive
in return. A mother, for example, will continue to love her
child even when the child grows up and leaves her, or when
her child loves another (such as a step-mother). In Romantic
love, we tend to get very fearful and angry if our lover wants
to love another the way they love us, or if our lover wants
to (heaven forbid!) leave us and go off to explore other experiences.
We are more concerned with what we are getting and a sense
of "security" than with the other's happiness.
In
seeking unconditional love through a limited model of Romantic
love, we are never really fulfilled. When our real experiences
fall short of our dreams, we assume we just haven't met the
"right person" yet, and when we do, then we will
finally be satisfied. We go from relationship to relationship,
seeking something unlimited through a limited model.
The
soul mate experience offers us the opportunity to begin with
perhaps Romantic love and grow and stretch our very hearts
and Spirits toward something higher. We are drawn together
on the tails of magnetic romantic attraction, yet it is when
our deepest hearts and souls extend themselves for another
that a lasting and powerful spiritual bond begins to form.
"A
soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected,
as though the communication and communing that take place
between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but
rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important
to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious
in life." (Thomas Moore).
This
sense of immediate connection arises from unconscious or soul
memories of previous loving experiences. A "soul mate,"
then, is someone with whom we have shared many loving past
life experiences. If we look at all the people we've loved
long and well in this lifetime alone, it becomes clear that
we are not limited to just one "soul mate" for all
eternity, or even for each lifetime.
How
can we then tell the difference between an "ordinary"
past life connection and a "soul mate?" I believe
that the label of "soul mate" here limits our ability
to see all of this clearly. There is no one "soul mate"
we're seeking, so there is not a black and white delineation
between who in our lives is a "soul mate" and who
is not. It's all a matter of degree.
Sometimes
we meet someone from a past life and have an immediate and
strong negative impression. This has happened to me twice
in my life. I knew upon meeting both people that they were
familiar, and I felt an immediate unease or fear. In both
cases, this first impression was played out dramatically by
my experiences. In the first situation, the young man I met
by "happenstance" through my hair stylist became
obsessed with me. He stalked and eventually physically attacked
me. In the second case, I had the initial feeling of unease,
yet a strange dark sort of attraction for a young man that
I "fell in love with." That relationship was so
painful it took me to the brink of suicide.
I
believe that my soul recognized both young men from the first
meeting, and at some level I knew that there was challenging
karma to be worked out. I learned more from those challenging
experiences than from many other pleasant ones however; it
is said that our greatest enemies are also our greatest teachers.
In this light, I can see how even these men could be said
to be "soul mates" of mine.
Meeting
someone and having a very positive and powerful attraction
to them right away is a sign that this is someone we have
loved well before. This is of course all a matter of degree.
We might define a soul mate as someone that we feel a very
positive immediate attraction to, AND someone we feel compelled
to be with or know better. It's almost as if this connection
takes on a life of its own, and we get swept up in its undeniable
magnetic force.
The
main point I wish to make is that these loving "soul
mate" relationships must be founded some time. Just because
a loving bond was formed in a past life does not make it any
more powerful or important than the loving bonds we form in
THIS life. We are in the process TODAY of creating our soul
mate relationships of the future.
Examine
your life and your relationships. Think about your family,
your children, your lover, your friends, your coworkers. How
are you likely to feel upon meeting them in another life?
Will you feel an immediate rapport? Will you feel wary or
untrusting because of experiences you're creating now? We
can create a soul mate experience today, and reap the positive
benefits of this connection forever more.
We
are creators. As creators, we are not so much here to discover
or "find" our fates as we are here to CREATE our
destinies. We have free will. We are inventing new possibilities
with every decision we make, every idea we imagine, every
desire we allow to flow through us. Rather than trying to
recreate a type of relationship we've read about or seen in
the movies, we might aim to create new levels of intimacy,
deeper throes of passion, stronger bonds of Love.
For
those who want to love deeply, passionately and well, I recommend
we spend less time "looking for" our soul mates,
and more time CREATING them. These spiritual bonds must begin
somewhere and somehow. Why not here and now?
| Authors
Details: Julia Jablonski professional medium
and clairvoyant.
Web Site |
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