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Still
waiting for the right guy who'll read your mind, finish off
your sentences, and complete you? ELLE Singapore wonders if
finding a soulmate is really necessary for a successful, meaningful
relationship.
According to ancient Greek legend, the first inhabitants on
Earth were 2-headed, 4-armed and 4-legged roly-poly hermaphrodites
who were so irritatingly smug and self-satisfied that some
god decided to punish them by splitting them down the middle
into the first human beings, before scattering them all over
the world. Since then, us humans have been condemned to search
(usually painfully, and sometimes unsuccessfully) for a reunion
with our missing pieces, our soulmates. Or so the story goes.
One
thing's for sure: a few thousand years down the road, romance
and finding that "special someone" still haven't
gone out of fashion. Which is why people still flock to see
remakes like the Cinderalla-inspired Ever After and Baz Luhrman's
Romeo And Juliet, even though everyone has already known the
stories (and their endings) by heart since childhood.
Fairy
Tales Or Tall Tales?
The
question is: are you, a woman of today, really luckier than
your grandmother, simply because economic independence and
the fact that it's OK for women to marry later, give you more
freedom and the luxury to wait for and choose Mr Right?
After all, even though my grandmother would have preferred
someone who enjoyed Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers' dancing
as much as she did, she still willingly married the suitor
her parents chose for her. Was my grandfather her soulmate?
That is a moot point, but she did learn to love him regardless.
We,
on the other hand, seem to have turned into nitpicky Ally
McBeals and Felicitys, ruthlessly putting every man we meet
through some soulmate litmus test. He's really handsome and
successful, but has the table manners of a pig at his trough?
No can do. He'd sacrifice an arm and a leg for you, but your
heart just doesn't sing as loudly as a chorus of angels every
time you lay eyes on him? It's over, honey.
Our
heads have been completely turned by so many fairy tales and
soppy Hollywood movies that we're led to believe that a perfect
someone exists somewhere out there, and that we'll find him
eventually. In the meantime, we just won't settle for anything
less.
Making Beautiful Music Together
It
doesn't help either that each of us has at least one close
friend or relative who's found Mr Perfect: someone who is
truly passionate about what she is passionate about, and when
she tells you about him, you can almost hear the strains of
violin music in the background.
Take
my friend Stephanie, for example. She met Daniel at a frisbee
game organised by a friend, and apart from a love of frisbee,
they literally shared a dozen other common interests.
"We've
been dating for 2 years now, and we've never ever run out
of things to say or do - whether it's diving, hiking, camping,
rock climbing, in-line skating or jet-skiing. We love to travel;
we love the outdoors. And when we're not doing that, we're
planning the next big adventure of our lives!" gushes
Stephanie.
For
another friend Serena, she knew straightaway when she set
eyes on Paul, that "we were made for each other".
Adds the marketing executive, "Previous boyfriends wouldn't
understand my need to stay in the office till 3am to perfect
that marketing pitch, but Paul does perfectly, and he even
encourages me. We're both ambitious, driven, and are drawn
to the excitement of a high-powered career."
And
for the even luckier few, it's more a case of one sensitive
soul meeting another. "I'd define a soul-mate as someone
I can talk for hours with, who expresses thoughts which I'm
keen to hear more of. And I knew my fiance was the one when,
while dating, I realised that he loved reading, and mind you,
not the action-packed, espionage-y thrillers like Tom Clancy,
but good, solid, literature that I had also read and loved!"
A Shot In The Dark
So,
where does that leave the rest of us who're still fumbling
in the dark, unsure if we've hit or missed? Because if the
theory holds that everyone has one soulmate, what if you'd
already met him in college, dated him, and then broke up with
him 3 years ago because he was cheating on you?
What
if you'd been introduced to him at your cousin's Christmas
party last year, but didn't pay him any attention because
you were too drunk to care? What if the person who understands
you most is your best (girl)friend, and no guy you've ever
dated even comes close to being able to guess your mood just
by the tone of your "hello" over the phone?
Does
that mean you should accept that the person you'll eventually
end up with won't be able to read your mind and stir your
soul? On the other hand, how many of us have made the mistake
of thinking that he's the one, only to find, a few months
or years or kids later, that the magic is gone?
After
all, a woman in love can find the truth in anything - she
can define virtually any common ground (or uncommon ground,
for that matter) as evidence that he's the one. But what is
a soulmate anyway? While one woman may define it as someone
being as much like you as "2 peas in a pod", another
woman may say that he's the yang to her yin (Continued..
Part 2 Find Your Soulmate)
| Authors
Details: Natalie Chan |
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