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Inner
Dragons Our inner dragons of fear can keep us from
having meaningful relationships. These fears can make us run
from love and intimacy and hide from the very things we say
we most want. Fear and relationship do not belong together.
Fear patterns begin early in life and affect every relationship
we have. José Stevens, in his book Transforming Your Dragons,
discusses these very fear patterns.
Dr.
Stevens says the people who have great amounts of fear waste
a lot of energy. They repeat the same mistakes over and over,
and tend to see the world in black and white terms. They will
see themselves as perfect or they will see themselves as worthless.
The
fearful person moves away from her core self, living life in
numbness. She lets other people dictate her life roles, and she
carries great despair in the center of her being. She is only
half-alive.
Neurotic
Fears
Neurotic
fears wreak havoc in a relationship. A person who feels unworthy
and unlovable will not make a good mate. A doormat person may
say they love you, but it is just a sign of the need for approval
and affection.
Fear
of Agression
The
type of person who has the fear pattern of aggression does not
trust people and protects himself by attacking first, before
others can attack him. This type of person can lead a lonely
life. When you are detached and aloof because of your vulnerability
and fear of getting hurt, you can feel pretty lonely. You also
distance relationships when you judge and criticize others.
Passivity
Another
fear pattern is when you are passive in a relationship. You never
have to make a decision or take action. This is the pattern of
low self-esteem.
Impatience
Another
type of inner fear pattern makes you act impatiently and intolerantly
with others. In this way, you will quickly alienate and irritate
other people.
Victim
Pattern
Still
another pattern, which we call the "victim", will blame you for
everything and name you as the abuser. They will not take responsibility
for their own actions, and they do not make good partners.
Always
Needing More
The
kind of person who can never get enough, which is another fear
dragon, will demand a lot in a relationship but give very little.
And still another type, the person who fears control and abandonment,
will be controlling themselves and will often have strong addictions.
Stubborness
The
last type of fear pattern belongs to the person who hates authority
and is rebellious and stubborn as a result. This stubbornness
is difficult to deal with in a relationship.
All
of us have some of these fears, so it is easy to see why relationships
can be so difficult. It is fear that keeps us from leading meaningful
and fulfilling lives, so the main work in our lives is confronting
these fears and releasing and healing them.
| Authors
Details: Dr. Paula Sunray
Dr.
Paula Sunray has
been teaching classes on personal growth and
metaphysical spirituality for 17 years. She
is director of the Sunray Healing Haven and
National Interfaith Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota,
where she trains and teaches healers, ministers,
counselors, and spiritual students in addition
to maintaining her own private practice. This
articles was excerpted with permission from
her book Life Skills for the New Millennium Email
the Author |
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