I
had a man tell me that the problem women have is that we get
more hung up on a man's words than we do their actions.
He
meant that we don't always see if a man walks his talk. We get
all caught up in the words, and ignore the value of his actions.
How many of us get snowballed by what a man says to us? All those
sweet nothings he whispers, the perfect comment at the perfect
moment, and the feelings those words give us. But how many of
us actually put more weight or at least equal weight on what
they display for actions?
I'd
venture to say not many of us. And why do we do that?
That
is the real question. Perhaps some of us just get so caught up
in the fact that a man is merely talking to begin with. And even
more so the fact that they are talking to us. How many of us
walk around life starving from lack of conversation, stimulating
conversation, with a man? When we first meet someone we are intrigued
by what makes them click - how they view life. We compare interests
and goals. We even analyze whether or not we can see ourselves
sharing our life with them.
Let's
face it - as women we crave conversation. The saying that we
never run out of something to talk about is accurate. We always
have something to say and want someone to listen. So why don't
we look at a man's actions? Probably because very few actions
mirror the words we hear. We like the way their words make us
feel. And only after the relationship is over do we realize that
we were fools in taking only what they said to us. Does that
make us terrible people? No, but it sure does make us feel like
a fool at times.
Another
man told me the secret - men know what women want to hear so
they tell us, in order for them to get what it is they want.
I don't know if it's that calculated, but it would make some
sense, even if it's instinctual. If we were to start judging
a man by his words and actions, what would be the outcome?
For
me, the outcome would be sweet. I wouldn't feel disappointed
or used, less naïve, and more respected. I can say that every
time I've valued only the words I heard was the times that I
was let down. And who let me down? Me - I am the one that rationalized
why they never called me, or sent me flowers, or sent me love
notes, or just plain put in as much effort as I did. I settled
and that hurt me in the end.
So
what have I done about it? Well it's still a practicing effort,
but I don't just listen to what a man says. I look to see the
connection in a man's actions. Are they putting as much of an
effort into the relationship? Do I feel that they really feel
what they say they are feeling? And to a fault, I am skeptical
at best that they truly mean what they say. Our best ally is
our gut feeling - and we are very guilty of ignoring it. When
we ignore it we are destined to get hurt. I've seen women that
only give as much as they receive from a man, they never share
more than what is shared with them, and they never let a man
know how they truly feel. I am not suggesting that is the solution,
but to a degree there is something to be said for it. Personally,
I can't do that. I know only one way to be - up front, open,
and loving. To hold back makes me think I am robbing myself of
the full experience of sharing with a man - it feels like betrayal.
But
the catch 22 is I am much more vulnerable to being hurt. As one
of my friends says to me - you'll learn after you've been hurt
a 100 times. Well I never claimed to be a quick learner - but
a 100? I don't think one's heart can bear that much hurt.
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Tracie
Ann Robinson
Tracie
Ann Robinson is a woman on a mission of self discovery.
She was recently divorced having been married her whole
adult life. She is now discovering, within herself and
others, some of the more obvious mannerisms women have. Tracie's
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