10 Steps to
Detect and Stop Secret Self-Sabotage
It's a little known - yet
much denied fact - that people treat you the way you secretly
ask to be treated. Your unspoken request that determines how
others behave toward you is extended to -and received by -
everyone you meet.
What is your invisible inner
life? It's the way you actually feel - as opposed to the way
you're trying to appear - when meeting any person or event.
In other words, your invisible
inner life is your real inner condition. It's this state of
internal affairs that communicates with others long before
any words are exchanged. These silent signals from your inner
self are what a person receives first upon meeting you. The
reading of them determines from that point forward, the basis
of your relationship. This unseen dialogue that goes on behind
the scenes whenever two people meet is commonly understood
as "sizing one another up." But here's the point
of this introduction.
We're often led to act against
ourselves by an undetected weakness that goes before us -
trying to pass itself off to others - as strength. This is
secret self-sabotage. It sinks us in our personal and business
relationships as surely as a torpedo wrecks the ship it strikes.
Any person you feel the need
to control or dominate - so that he or she will treat you
as you "think" you should be treated will always
be in control of you and treat you accordingly. Why? Because
anyone from whom you want something, psychologically speaking,
is always in secret command of you.
It would never dawn on any
person to want to be more powerful or superior to someone
else unless there was some psychic character within him or
her that secretly felt itself to be weaker or lesser than
that other individual.
Any action we take to appear
strong before another person is actually read by that person
as a weakness. If you doubt this finding, review the past
interactions and results of your own relationships. The general
rule of thumb is that the more you demand or crave the respect
of others, the less likely you are to receive it.
So it makes no sense to try
and change the way others treat you by learning calculated
behaviors or attitude techniques in order to appear in charge.
Stop trying to be strong. Instead, start catching yourself
about to act from weakness. Don't be too surprised by this
unusual instruction. A brief examination reveals its wisdom.
Following are ten examples of where you may be secretly sabotaging
yourself while wrongly assuming you're strengthening your
position with others.
1. Fawning before people to
win their favor.
2. Expressing contrived concern for someone's well being.
3. Making small talk to smooth out the edges.
4. Hanging onto someone's every word.
5. Looking for someone's approval.
6. Asking if someone is angry with you.
7. Fishing for a kind word.
8. Trying to impress someone.
9. Gossiping.
10. Explaining yourself to others.
The next time you feel yourself
about to give into any of the above behaviors, give yourself
a quick and simple internal test. This test will help you
check for and cancel any undetected weakness that's about
to make you sabotage yourself.
Here's what to do: Run a pressure
check.
Here's how: Come wide awake
and run a quick inner scan within yourself to see if that
remark you're about to make, or the answer you're about to
give without having been asked for it, is something you really
want to do. Are you about to speak because you're afraid of
some as yet undisclosed consequence if you don't?
Your awareness of any pressure
building within you is proof that it's some form of fear -
and not you - that wants to do the explaining, fawning, impressing,
blabbing, or whatever the self-sabotaging act the inner pressure
is pushing you to commit.
Each time you feel this pressurized
urge to give yourself away, silently but solidly refuse to
release this pressure by giving in to its demands. It may
help you to succeed sooner if you know that fear has no voice
unless it tricks you into giving it one. So stay silent. Your
conscious silence stops self-sabotage.
Special Summary: In any and
every moment of your life, you are either in command of yourself,
or you are being commanded.
| Authors Details: Self Sabotage - Guy
Finley Web
Site |
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