Be
as honest as you can with yourself when reading this list, because
self-awareness is a key ingredient to recovering from emotional
eating and the Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome. These listings merely describe
the fattening feelings
and explain why they lead to overeating.
1.
Anger.
Anger is cited in more cases of emotional eating than any other emotion.
Anger, especially when it's repressed, feels very uncomfortable, and this discomfort
is often
confused with hunger. But what feels like hunger is actually a desire to use
food to cover up or mask the painful emotion -- anger. Women, in particular,
have difficulty admitting that they are angry, due to societal pressures ranging
from parental admonitions ("Young ladies shouldn't get angry!") to corporate
gameplaying rules ("You'll get ahead in this company if you just smile and
agree with management instead of arguing about their policies"). With all this
pressure, people sometimes wish they never felt angry - a futile wish, of course,
since everyone gets angry at times. People run into trouble with their anger
when they ignore their angry feelings or pretend they don't exist, hoping the
emotions will subside if they're ignored long enough. Emotion Eaters turn to
food in order to stuff their anger.
2.
Fatigue.
If anger is the number one psychological reason why people overeat, fatigue
is definitely number two. That's why I call it "fat-igue." Some late-night
overeaters use food in a vain attempt to energize themselves when they're tired.
Shift workers, those who stay up late at night, and "workaholics" are especially
prone to overeating when fatigued. Other people use food to calm the nervous
tension associated with fatigue. Perhaps you've had a nerve-wracking day at
the office, combined with over consumption of caffeine or chocolate. At night,
you try to sleep but find you're too wired. That's when cravings for carbohydrate
snacks occur, because these foods trigger calming brain chemicals that help
you sleep. When we're tired, our resolve to eat lighter and healthier foods
often goes out the window. Feeling fatigued, we say, "To heck with calorie
counting!" and down a quart of ice cream or a massive plate of spaghetti. It's
important to recognize fatigue in yourself when it occurs.
Learn
to recognize how it feels when you're emotionally drained or
intellectually overstimulated. Once you can label these feelings
as fatigue, you won't be as likely to confuse them with hunger.
Second, remember that when you're tired, rest will make you feel
better. Overeating will not. Food may give you a temporary surge
in blood sugar that is reminiscent of feeling rested, but the
key word is that the respite is temporary. What's more, an eating
binge can lead to sluggish, tired feelings the next day as your
body tries to break down the high levels of sugar, fat, and carbohydrates
from the binge foods. Rest, regular exercise, and the mind/body
methods described in later chapters (The Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome)
are the best ways to combat feelings of fatigue. Food only makes
things worse!
3.
Depression.
When life looks gray and gloomy, most Emotion Eaters start to think of ways
to feel better, and their solution to depression usually involves food. People
who eat when they're depressed often turn to dairy products such as ice cream
(particularly chocolate) and cheese. As precisely as a well-trained pharmacist,
but intuitively, the overeater picks food that alleviates depression. After
all, the chemical makeup of dairy products has a neurological effect similar
to antidepressant medications. Depression occurs for a number of reasons. It
can be traced to: Holding in anger A loss, such as losing a job, getting a
divorce, selling a house, becoming ill, or losing loved ones (including pets).
Physical exhaustion or poor nutrition. This type of depression readily responds
to rest and a healthful diet. "Kicking yourself" and focusing on real or imagined
negative characteristics in yourself. Try to keep your attention focused on
your positive qualities, and remember that everyone makes mistakes. Forgive
yourself! Feeling like a helpless victim and seeing the future as hopeless.
You're not a victim, and the future will be as pleasant or as painful as you
set out to make it! You really do create your own life.
4.
Loneliness.
Those who eat out of loneliness usually must push themselves to meet new people,
even when the prospect seems frightening. Some of the easiest ways to get out
and become active with others involve engaging in some sort of organized group
activity, such as joining a volleyball team or a mastermind group, enrolling
in any sort of class, or becoming a member of a charitable organization.
5.
Insecurity / Inadequacy.
When I started working in the counseling field, I felt inadequate a great deal
of the time. I worked in a large inpatient alcoholism hospital, and we were
terribly understaffed. There was always a crisis of some sort with a patient
or staff member, and there wasn't much that any of us counselors could do to
keep the atmosphere positive. There was a pervasive air of gloom and despair
hanging over us. And always, at the end of the day, I was left with the feeling
that I just hadn't done enough to help the alcoholics and drug addicts in our
facility. I'd feel empty and at a loss, and I'd want to eat as a result. Long-term
experience as a counselor and my spiritual background eventually helped me
to change my perspective. As you may know, feeling "not good enough" is an
empty sensation. The insecurity and inadequacy that come with self-doubt can
feel like a big, black empty hole right in the middle of your gut. It feels
uneasy. It doesn't feel good.
I
think that these feelings are among the toughest to contend with
because most of us don't even want to admit we're experiencing
them. I know that, at times, I used to believe that I was the
only person in the world who felt inadequate. And I used to be
afraid that merely admitting these feelings -- even to myself
-- might make it true that I was inadequate. So I hid the feelings
from myself and others and tried to fill the empty hole with
food. Inadequacy is a very normal feeling! Everyone, including
Ph.D.'s, M.D.'s, rich folks, and other successful and famous
people, wrestles with self-doubt and feels like a failure at
times. Problems arise when Emotion Eaters try to ignore or cover
up the sense of inadequacy with food, instead of taking steps
(such as returning to college, asking for a raise, praying, etc.)
to minimize the basis for the feeling.
6.
Guilt.
Eating,
of course, doesn't resolve a guilt-producing situation. Besides
taking steps to solve the problem, the realization that you are
not completely responsible for others and that you truly can't
control anyone else's actions or feelings can also free you of
unnecessary guilt. This doesn't mean that you have to be thoughtless,
just that you can let go of the erroneous notion that you're responsible
for the happiness of those around you. No one person is that powerful!
Give others credit for the direction they choose to take in their
lives.
7.
Jealousy.
Many "jealousy eaters" I've treated tend to compare themselves unfavorably
to others in a process I call "comparing your insides with other people's outsides." This
happens whenever you look at other people who appear to be so together, happy,
and confident, and compare this with how you feel on the inside. You may become
jealous if you assume someone else's life is much better than your own because
on the outside he or she appears happier than you do. Remember that outside
appearances can be deceiving, and that to other people, you, too, probably
appear to have it all together.
8.
Happiness.
"Happy" overeaters
seem to turn to food for two reasons. The first is that when things
are going well, they feel very, very good and they want to binge
on good feelings. Because the "happy overeater" enjoys food, she
wants to eat as much as possible in order to fill up on these positive
emotions. She sees happiness as a limited resource that will run
out quickly and needs to be gobbled up before it disappears. It
helps if she frequently affirms the unlimited abundance of happiness,
since joy is our true and natural state of being: "Happiness gushes
forth from the center of my being, bringing waves of joy throughout
my mind, body, and soul, and bringing happiness to everyone who
sees, talks with, or thinks of me."
Second,
people with low self-esteem often feel that they don't deserve
happiness or success. So, as soon as aspects of their lives --
such as weight loss -- start to turn out right, they unconsciously
start to sabotage their own success. Happiness, if you've never
had much of it, can seem scary because of its novelty. Even though
it seems illogical to wish unhappiness on yourself, some people
are uncomfortable with anything but morose, depressing days.
They almost need a problem or crisis in their life to give them
a sense of purpose. If you're a "happy" overeater, it's important
to remember that it really is okay to be happy and experience
success! Affirm often: "My happiness is God's will for me. Happiness
is my birthright, and my joy heals many lives." In addition,
the joy won't disappear or be yanked out of your hands, so relax
and let go of any "lack mentality" that tells you that happiness
is a finite resource. And most importantly, don't overeat because
of your happiness.
9.
Anxiety / Nervousness.
Anxiety and nervousness lead to a particular type of overeating -- the "picking" variety.
This style of eating disguises the amount of food one is eating because only
a tiny amount is being consumed, bit by bit. But since the eating is continual,
large amounts of food are eaten before the Yo-Yo Syndrome dieter even realizes
what has happened. As if in a blackout or trance, the overeater seeks pacification
from anxiety through food. Those who overeat due to anxiety and nervousness
use food to relax, so they need to find alternative methods to unwind.
10.
Disappointment / Hurt.
Similarly, people often overeat in the face of disappointment. Perhaps a friend
lets you down or betrays you. Maybe you didn't get that raise or promotion
at work. Or perhaps you feel let down every time you don't win the state lottery.
Regardless of its source, disappointment can make you feel alone and hopeless
about the future. It can make you lose interest in yourself, and make you not
care what you weigh or what your body looks like. When you don't care, it's
hard to stay away from food.
11.
Emptiness/Hollowness.
I believe that we all have a drive or ambition to do certain things with our
lives, and that we owe it to ourselves to try to fulfill those desires. We
may not always succeed, but it's very important to at least try. Until we take
steps toward our dreams and goals, an upsetting sense of uneasiness lives inside
of us. The goal could be anything from getting a high school diploma to graduating
from medical school, writing that novel or volunteering at that convalescent
hospital. Whatever your personal dream, go seize it! Break the big goal into
smaller, more accessible goals, and then take one small step today to bring
yourself closer to the life you want to lead. You'll be glad you did.
12.
Grief.
To discern whether unfinished grief could be at the heart of your Yo-Yo Diet
Syndrome, ask yourself if thoughts about your losses bring about any of the
following feelings: A heavy or pressured feeling in your chest Tears in your
eyes The desire to think about something else right away Anger, resentment,
or depression If any of these feelings relate to you, you probably have some
unfinished grief work to complete. Though not a pleasant task, spending some
time focusing your thoughts on the pain of your loss (with a therapist, through
prayerful meditation, or by journal writing) could be the key to releasing
you from your desire to overeat.
13.
Procrastination.
Eating is, if nothing else, a very good timewaster. It makes a wonderful excuse
for putting off performing an unpleasant task. Do you ever use food as an excuse
to avoid doing some dreaded task? Do you use food to avoid making that phone
call or writing that letter? To avoid doing a boring and mundane chore? To
avoid completing a complicated or difficult task? If you answered yes to any
of these questions, you've probably already recognized the futility of eating
in order to procrastinate. No matter how much food you eat, the task will still
remain on your "to do" list. By eating before you tackle the chore, you only
make things worse. It makes you feel out of control, fat, sloppy, and angry
at yourself for eating. And you still have to face the dreaded situation. Doesn't
it make more sense, instead, to get the task over with (maybe even figuring
out a way to enjoy it, too), delegate the task to someone else, or decide that
you don't really need to do the chore after all?
14.
Fear.
Fear often triggers nervous behavior, especially continual snacking. Fear is
the root of guilt, insecurity, and other fattening feelings. Although fear
can feel like a giant foe, it actually has more bark than bite.
15.
Boredom.
Like people who eat out of procrastination, "boredom bingers" can fill up days,
hours, months, and years a bite at a time. They're often anxious about having
unstructured time and are constantly searching for something to do. They feel
guilty if they're not engaged in some activity, and eating fits their definition
of "activity." If this description reminds you of yourself, it's important
to come to terms with your underlying issues. Why isn't it okay to just do
nothing once in a while? Do you always have to be productive to feel good about
yourself? Are you trying to please someone or get their approval by staying
busy? What other activity would you rather be engaged in besides eating? Why
aren't you doing that other activity now? What steps can you take right now
that will fill your life with meaning, purpose, and fun?
16.
Embarrassment.
Overeating due to embarrassment or self-consciousness occurs because of unrealistic
expectations that you should never be noticed or be the topic of conversation.
There is a tendency to take any remark as criticism, as well as a belief that
other people's negative opinions about your behavior is true. Then, if you
do make a mistake - a social blunder or a business error, for instance - you
feel as if the world's going to fall apart.
Authors
Details: Doreen Virtue 'Emotional Eating'
Dr. Doreen Virtue has written
several books, among them:
I’d Change My Life if I Had More Time;
Constant Craving;
Losing Your Pounds of Pain;
and The Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome.
The authors website |
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