Four
emotions form the core of emotional overeating: (fear, anger,
tension, and shame (FATS). Fear is the root emotion in the FATS
feelings. Anger, tension, and shame are all extensions of fear.
We feel angry because we fear losing love in the form of something
or someone valuable to us; we feel tension because we are afraid
of trusting or because we've walked away from our Divine path;
we feel shame because we fear we are inadequate. These "FATS
feelings" are the primary triggers for emotional overeating.
Overwhelming
desires to eat stem from one of these four emotions. As a psychotherapist,
I feel it's important to be honest with ourselves about our
emotions. We need to face the emotion and then move on. I never
recommend overanalyzing one's life or viewing oneself as a victim.
Yet, the source of so much needless emotional pain is the unwillingness
to face an unpleasant feeling. No one enjoys admitting, "Oh,
yes, I feel insecure." But the alternative — not admitting it
— is so much worse!
When
we deny our strong emotions, they grow even stronger. As they
gain strength, they also seek outlets. Denied emotions manifest
themselves in many unpleasant ways, including food cravings,
physical aches or illnesses, depression, anxiety, phobias, and
sleep disorders.
The bottom line is this: As unpleasant as it is to face a negative
emotion, the alternative is even more unpleasant. Everyone gets
angry, upset, or jealous at some time — there's no question
about it. Sometimes life circumstances or our personal choices
make it tough to stay centered in peace of mind. In fact, the
only question about these emotions is whether we choose to deal
with them now or later.
The
four primary emotions underneath emotional overeating
FEAR
Insecurity, walking on eggshells, generalized fears, abandonment
fears, existential fears, control issues, sexual fears, worry,
anxiety, depression, intimacy fears.
ANGER
At another person, toward an injustice, toward self, feeling
betrayed, feeling ripped off, feeling abused.
TENSION
Stress, frustration, old anger turned into bitterness, old anger
turned into resentment, jealousy, impatience, overwork without
an emotional release such as fun.
SHAME
Self-blame, low self-esteem, self-loathing, lack of trust in
one's own competence or goodness, assuming other people won't
like you, feeling less than other, feeling like you don't deserve
good.
When
we bottle up our strong emotions, it's akin to putting a cork
on a vinegar-and-baking soda combination. The ignored emotion
doesn't go away — it intensifies. The more we try to ignore
a feeling, the stronger it grows. It's so much easier to face
the music while the emotion is still in a "fixable" stage.
That's
why I really like food-craving analysis. You start by identifying
the food you crave and work backward, like a detective. Once
you've identified the food you crave, say, rocky road ice cream,
the underlying emotion stares you plainly in the face: "Resentment
toward others and self. Feeling used or pressured, and desiring
fun and comfort. Depression."
The
truth of that underlying emotion, following a food-craving interpretation,
hits most of us between the eyes. We instantly recognize, "Yes,
that is the emotional issue I've been struggling with." This
recognition may propel you to investigate further and take the
healthy second step of asking yourself, "What makes me so frustrated
or angry?" "What do I feel I'm missing out on?" and "Why am
I taking my anger out on myself? " Usually the answers appear
right away.
Our
denial system is incredibly effective in shielding us from honestly
facing ourselves. Denial stems from a fear of admitting, "Yes,
this bothers me." The consequences of this admission are even
scarier "Now I must take responsibility for making changes to
correct the situation." Change is frightening, because we fear
that our situation might worsen instead of improve.
Inertia and fears keep us from looking at underlying issues
that create food cravings. Since this denial keeps us from seeing
these seemingly obvious underlying issues, we often need to
have them pointed out to us. It's relatively easy to see other
people's issues; it's much tougher to be objective with ourselves.
By learning to interpret your food cravings, you will be able
to more readily discover these issues yourself.
Just
honestly admitting to ourselves, "Yes, this is the emotion underneath
my food craving" is such a tremendous relief! It feels so good
to come clean with yourself, doesn't it? That emotional relief
then reduces, or even eliminates, the urge to overeat.
Physically
Based Cravings
Sometimes, we'll crave a food because our body is screaming
out for nutrients, such as vitamins or protein. Our body is
depleted, and cravings ensure that its needs are met. These
are physically based cravings. Yet, on close examination, even
these cravings are rooted in emotions. Tension, the fourth Fats
feelings, is the physical manifestation of stress in our lives.
Stress leads to lifestyle choices that in turn lead to nutritional
deprivation. Three of my clients discovered how stress-filled
lifestyles robbed their body of energy and nutrients, which
in turn triggered food cravings:
