Where
is your focus? For most people the answer to this question lies
in the outside world. Your external focus leads to unhappiness
and a continual search for an elusive and indefinable state of
being. The outside world or the world around you is a mirror of
yourself, your attitudes, beliefs and thoughts. The key to shaping
and changing your situation is to focus on changing yourself.
Look within.
Often
people are searching for happiness. It is expressed as (.....)will
make me happy. I will be happy when(.....). It is often material
possessions and/or a soul mate that people believe will fulfill
their desire and make them whole. The focus in both cases is external.
Before you can form loving and intimate relationships you need
to take care of and love yourself. You earn as much as your inner
worth dictates, you are treated the way your beliefs allow and
the perfect partner cannot be found until you acknowledge that
you are perfect because your partner reflects you.
Your soul chooses to manifest into the physical body you have
today, to create, express and experience. To be happy and whole
you need to
1.
Express and nurture yourself.
As
a human being you need to express yourself. Expression means doing
what you want to do, what you feel you have to do and showing
the world who you are as an individual. This is often cloaked
in an emotional cloud. Your path can be obscured by the powerful
'should' word. People often spend lifetimes doing what they should
do as expressed by the wishes of their parents or society. "What
will my parents think if I am the singer in a rock and roll band
instead of a lawyer or doctor". Find
what you want to do as expressed by your soul. This is how you
find your power.
Living
a life that denies expression and your inner feelings means that
you are not nurturing yourself and that you are suppressing your
feelings. Suppression
gives away your power. When you give your power to others it enables
them to have undue influence over you. When people have too much
power and influence over you and subconsciously you are not doing
what you want, you feel helpless and victimized. This causes you
to be frightened and angry. Anger is a symptom of your loss of
power.
The easiest way to suppress feelings is to medicate. Drugs including
alcohol and the use of food are popular methods employed. Emptiness,
boredom and disease are the results of this process. Not doing
what you want means you are not nurturing yourself this again
may
manifest in the abuse of food, alcohol or sex. The substance or
behavior becomes a substitute for nurturing.
2.
Love yourself and accept yourself as you are.
You
need to accept
yourself and to love yourself as you are today. All
of us have thoughts and feelings and everyone has, or has had,
what they consider 'bad' thoughts. We have all done things that
we are ashamed of.
There
is both positive and negative in you. This is also known as light
and dark. You must acknowledge and accept your dark side to become
whole. No
matter what you have done in the past you can change your behavior
today. It is pointless to wallow in your feelings of guilt as
this is based on the assumption that what you did was wrong. Your
behavior always has a positive intent for you, at the time.
Acknowledgment
of your dark side brings light.
Here
is an exercise I read in a Louise Hay book. Stand in front of
the mirror, look at yourself and say "(your name), I love
and accept you just the way you are." Do this everyday.
3.
Set boundaries and live within them.
Boundaries
are what defines your world. Many people don't have them because
1.
They have not thought about, what they want.
2. They have defined boundaries but fail to live within them.
You need to define what is acceptable and what is not, then you
need to live by this.
Here
is a simple example. You work for a grumpy boss. He is rude and
raises his voice to you. This happens regularly and it is not
important for this example how you respond. You are unhappy and
express this with negative talk to your peers. Why
are you unhappy? You do not live within your boundary. You understand
that this is not acceptable behavior. Your boss continues because
he can.
Expressing
to him in a calm manner, that you do not accept and will not put
up with this behavior is setting a boundary. To live within, is
to take action. He may stop or you may leave and work somewhere
else.
Not
living within your boundaries is a major source of unhappiness.
4.
Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
The
world around you is a mirror. It's a mirror of everything that
you think and believe. These thoughts and beliefs are what have
built your world. What you think and expect, you get. The choices
that are made moment to moment in what you think and how you behave
creates your world. Look around you, into your mirror and note
what you wish to change. Turn the focus within and find what this
is reflecting in you. Change this aspect of you. Your world will
change.
Blaming
others and circumstance for your situation means you are not taking
responsibility and ownership of and for yourself. Again the focus
is on the external. This denial of ownership leads to a victim
mentality and allows you to let the world roll by and circumstance
to guide you. You will feel helpless as a result.
Don't try to change the mirror. Change yourself.
You
radiate with an energy and vibrate to a certain frequency. This
vibration is set by the thoughts and beliefs you have, coupled
with the emotions that surround you. Your vibration attracts like
vibrations. This happens all the time with out you even thinking
about the process. You will
change when you change something in yourself and you become a
different person. Your world changes automatically because it
is a reflection of you.
This
is a great indictor for you and needs to be embraced and cherished.
It is a simple process but not always easy.
To
take ownership means to acknowledge that you are responsible for
who you are and what you have around you. You have a choice in
everything you do.
You
can change your whole life with these four simple points.
Love
and acceptance. The expression of who you are. Living within your
boundaries and ownership of your life. This is about your
direction and needs. Be assertive, you will no longer feel helpless
and you will regain control.
