Astrology
has two helpful functions. One is to identify the strengths and
abilities we have which we can capitalize on. For instance, it
was only by studying astrology and getting repeated encouragement
from astrologers that I came to have faith in myself as a potential
writer. Before that, I considered myself a lousy poet and left
it at that. I'm still a lousy poet, but astrology gave me the
courage to try other kinds of writing that have been more successful
and fulfilling. My knowledge of astrology, then, resulted in
a change in the direction of my career and life.
The
second function is to help us identify the ways we create our
own problems and cause unhappiness for ourselves and those around
us. My belief is that planets are not responsible for our happiness
or unhappiness, they only point out the ways we have been causing
our self-fulfillment or self-defeat. And, if self-defeating behaviors
are causing problems for us, we can use the chart as a guide
to facing them honestly and directly. If we do so, we can tackle
those problem areas and ultimately realize the most positive
potential of every placement and every aspect in our charts.
Self-defeat is far more of a problem for most of us than anything
an outsider can inflict. Do you know the ways you are your own
worst enemy? Traditionally, astrologers have looked at the twelfth
house for the answer to this question, but I feel the whole chart
should be surveyed. All those difficult sign and house placements
and all those troublesome aspects will show you how you're contributing
to your own problems.
The
self-defeating patterns in our lives are like patterns you use
in making dresses. The same one can be used over and over again.
The dresses may look a little different because of variations
in material, color, or length, but it's basically the same pattern.
Likewise, the people you get involved with romantically (or,
likewise, as friends, or in work situations) might look a bit
different in the beginning but wind up being alike in the end.
For instance, one woman who wrote to my advice column had been
married three times and all three of her husbands beat her. I
told her that three abusive husbands were an embarrassment of
riches, that she was choosing these men, and that unless she
got into therapy, I could confidently predict that the next man
she got hooked up with would beat her too. My prediction wasn't
based on astrology, it just stood to reason.
Once
you can identify a pattern of self-defeating behavior, however,
the chart can lead you to an understanding of exactly what is
behind it and how to begin correcting it. A problem in love?
Look at Venus, the seventh house, and its ruler. Communication
blocks keep you from being understood? Look at Mercury, the third
house, and its ruler. Trace it all the way back to its roots-it's
not enough to say that Mercury in Scorpio shows that you are
reserved about expressing your feelings outwardly. How did you
get that way? The chart can tell you that, too, if you look at
it psychologically.
One
of the more common roots of self-defeat and probably the most
devastating is self-hatred. Self-hatred is one of the most painful
emotions you can feel. It is also one of the most crippling,
because when you hate yourself, you act in ways that lead others
to reject you or in self-defeating ways that cause you to fail.
The rejections and failures then make you hate yourself even
more. How can you break out of this cycle? By trying to find
out what causes the self hatred and then getting past it to accept
and finally to love yourself. I doubt if any psychotherapist
would quarrel with that, and psychotherapy may be needed to accomplish
this deceptively simple-sounding thing. I do think, however,
that astrology and a thorough understanding of your chart can
help in this process. The person's natal horoscope can give a
short-cut by identifying those nebulous, generally unconscious,
and often irrational-seeming conflicts within the person which
lead to self-hatred.
Sometimes
we only get at our self-hatred by indirect means - examining
what we hate in others. We have all probably had the experience
of taking an immediate and powerful dislike to someone we just
met. . . and maybe had it pointed out to us none too kindly that
we disliked that person precisely because they were too much
like us in some unpleasant way. What we reacted to so strongly
in them was actually something in ourselves that we don't like
to face up to.
This
goes for sun signs as well. Richard Ideman, a profound astrological
thinker, has pointed out that the signs you hate tell a great
deal - not necessarily about the sign per se - but about yourself.
By the psychological mechanism of projection, we "disown" parts
of ourselves that we don't approve of, or are uncomfortable with,
and assign them to someone or some group outside ourselves. "Me?
Yearning to be passive and helpless instead of so darned self-sufficient?
No, it's those Pisces!" (Stereotypes and prejudices are based
on projections such as these, and perhaps astrological prejudices
could become the prejudices of the New Age, now that we're "too
enlightened" for the old ethnic ones.)
You
may be amused by an illustration of astrological projection,
the mechanism which Richard Ideman has identified so well, at
work in one of the astrology classes I taught, a group of ardent
feminists. A couple of the students began talking about the signs
they hated. On instinct, I asked one of them, "What sign do you
dislike most?""Oh, Geminis! They're disgusting!""What sign is
your father? " I hazarded."Gemini! "
I
went around the room like that, asking each of them what sign
she disliked most. Dramatically, each one of them, myself included,
named the sun sign of her father. Now this would only be an amusing
curiosity, possibly revealing something about the roots of our
feminism, if it were not for one tragic fact. Our parents, as
shapers of ourselves, are part of our charts and part of our
character. I may not be a Pisces, as my father was, but my Sun
is in a water sign and located in the twelfth house, making me
not unlike him. The fact that I generally do not like Pisces
says that I dislike a very important part of myself, and that
I need to get in touch with that part and reconcile it with the
rest of me in order to be truly healthy.
You,
too, are probably carrying around in your chart the signs you
love to hate. Look for them in unsuspected places. If you have
Sun conjunct Jupiter but can't bear Sagittarians, look out-you
are practically a Sag yourself. If you hate Aries with a passion
but have Mars on the Ascendant, then you hate the aggressive,
competitive part of yourself. Can't stand Gemini? Isn't that
where you have your South Node? Virgos set your teeth on edge?
Strange, with a stellium in the sixth house, you have such a
lot in common! Look for the signs you hate in your own chart-
you may find out you are projecting an important part of yourself.
Then
there is what I call the Sunday School or confessional brand
of self-hatred. . . so named because it happens periodically,
when we feel called upon to examine our faults, and because it
generally has a moralistic cast to it. 'Why am I so BAD? What
makes me do these terrible things? It is BAD to be so competitive!" Generally
in these cases what we are doing is identifying ourselves with
one part of our chart at the expense of another (often major)
part. The part we identify with and want to be like is often
that part our parents or society approved of as "good," and the
part of ourselves we disown is what our parents told us was "bad." Cultural
conditioning plays its part too . . . in our culture, it is considered "bad" or "unnatural" if
a man shows strongly Venusian characteristics. Actually a strong
Venus in a man's chart is neither good nor bad, but only his
nature.
The
side of us our parents approved of is often reflected in our
rising sign or ascendant. The ascendant shows our ways of trying
to get along with others-our front or our tools for getting along
in the world. The ascendant is not our essential self . . . the
Sun and Moon are far more basic to our character. It is dismaying
to me how many people are totally identified with their ascendant.
A terribly meek double Leo friend-Sun and Moon in Leo-was much
more receptive to astrology once she found out she had Pisces
rising. "I always thought I was much more like a Pisces. Why,
Leos aren't nice people!" A double Leo who shows none of that
Leo at all is a Leo in a heck of a lot of trouble. I call that
kind of trouble "getting trapped in your ascendant. "
A
client who was trapped in her ascendant was a Gemini with Sun
conjunct both Uranus and Saturn. She had Cancer rising, and this
was what most people saw of her-mother to the world. When I pointed
out to her that she really didn't have a motherly bone in her
body, she admitted that she really resents having to take care
of all those people. "But it's BAD to be the way you described
my Sun! " It took her a long time to accept that not only was
it not bad for her to be her Sun, it was more real and more truly
herself. I told her I felt she was brilliant, that she was wasting
a lot of time mothering people who did not in the least appreciate
being mothered, and that she would do a lot more for mankind
in the end if she concentrated on developing the tremendous potential
of her Sun.
Much
self-hatred, then, can come about when the basic natures of your
Sun and Moon or Ascendant are in disagreement. Another source
can be hard aspects like squares or oppositions. A square, in
particular, demands a resolution of the conflict within, and
all too often a phony resolution comes about by identifying with
one of the planets in the square against the other. Which side
of the square you will take is somewhat unpredictable, possibly
depending on the relative strengths of the two planets. The other
side will also come out, however, perhaps in a disguised or unconscious
manner that causes you to undo what you are consciously working
toward.
Let
us take, as an example, two people who have Mars square Neptune.
The conflict may be "resolved" in two different ways, depending
on their upbringing. A person, brought up in a deeply religious
home where the child's natural competitiveness and aggression
are regarded as "bad" may suppress open competition and compete
in religious fanaticism-becoming a "holier than thou" type or
an evangelist, for what is evangelism but a disguised lust for
conquest? The other person with Mars square Neptune may have
been brought up in a home which was terribly competitive and
ridiculed compassion and spirituality, and may resolve the conflict
by making a religion out of war and patriotism. Note how in both
cases a strong hint of the suppressed planet comes through in
a disguised way. A suppressed (in technical terms, repressed)
planet is still very active, on the unconscious level, where
it can often work in an unhealthy and self-defeating way. There
are healthy ways of resolving the Mars-Neptune conflict, but
not by ganging up on one of them and glorifying the other.
When
you have two planets in conflict with each other or your Sun
or Moon clashes with your ascendant, what can you do? Well, first
stop making value judgments! The two things in conflict are both
valid parts of yourself. They are neither intrinsically good
nor bad, they just are. In order to find health and a degree
of comfort, you must be fully aware of the needs and drives represented
by both sides of the conflict and find some ways for both of
them to be satisfied. For instance, I once did a chart reading
for a woman with Sun in Capricorn and Moon in Aquarius. She had
enormous responsibilities and drove herself to exhaustion, never
taking vacations. Meanwhile, her Moon in Aquarius yearned for
freedom-to break away, to do kinky things, to get rid of all
those responsibilities. The conflict was beginning to affect
her health. I explained all this to her, and, partly in jest,
I wrote a realistic looking prescription: "Rx: One free weekend
a month, getting away from it all." She was so relieved at getting
permission to take care of her own needs that she framed it and
now faithfully refills her prescription once a month.
By
becoming familiar with all the parts of your chart you will know
yourself better. Recognize that each of the symbols in the chart
represents a valid part of you that exists and must find an expression.
Repressing or pushing aside some part of yourself is only asking
for trouble - emotional or physical trouble - or else "trouble" from
the outside world that you bring on yourself. Remember that any
repressed part of yourself will find expression in disguised,
unconscious ways that may be unhealthy for you. Perhaps it will
help you to accept yourself better if you get to understand the
positive side of each planet, sign, house, and aspect. Your Mars
in Scorpio in the third may lack tact, but you can work on that-what
it does do is give you a very keen, analytical mind. . . a precious
gift, for sure.
Some
self-dislike can be valid. . . if you are expressing only the
negative side of something in your chart. But disliking something
about yourself and then going to work on it is a much healthier
response than brooding on something and letting it grow to self-hatred.
Self-hate and guilt are immobilizing and non-productive. Working
toward a positive level of expression of your chart and its difficult
points will change your image of yourself, and your self-love
will grow. Realize, however, that we can exist at many different
levels of functioning at the same time. Some of us may develop
more quickly in the mental areas (Mercury, Uranus) than in the
emotional areas (Moon, Neptune), while others might develop more
fully in the relationship areas (Venus) first. Therefore, it
doesn't make sense to judge ourselves harshly or to compare ourselves
to others. We should also understand that it is unrealistic to
expect perfection, and that it is very human to regress (go backwards)
a little in times of stress in order to restabilize and to recharge
before taking another forward step for growth.
Another
source of self-hatred lies in faulty definitions. It is the old
joke: "He says I'm stingy; I say I'm a good manager". . . only
in reverse. We define ourselves, often, in very negative and
uncharitable ways. . . not seeing that the very things we see
as weaknesses, others may see as strengths. The oyster, for all
we know, may regard that pearl as a hideous while we regard it
as a precious jewel. Likewise, a person with Mercury in Taurus
may regard it as a defect that her thinking is very concrete.
. . Others may consider her quite refreshingly down to earth
and sensible. It's all in your definitions of yourself. That's
why it can be quite helpful, even for an advanced student of
astrology, to have your chart done several times by others who
may be able to give different perspectives on you and foster
a more positive self-definition.
Take
a long view of things also. The qualities that start off as weaknesses
often develop into tremendous strengths, as we try so hard to
compensate for them. (This is often the case with the house and
sign your Saturn falls in.) You need to periodically re-define
yourself. By hard work, you may have already overcome some of
the weaknesses you are still feeling inferior about. Let your
consciousness catch up with your growth. Or, you may still be
in the process - we are always in process - of overcoming some
of them, but at least see where you are in that process and how
far you've come.
Other
parts of ourselves that we regard as weaknesses are merely the
consequences of specialization. The more time and energy you
devote to any one thing, the less you have for something else,
purely as a matter of course. I feel badly sometimes that I can't
paint or draw, but I paint and draw with words, because that
is where I have chosen to specialize. People with a stellium
(a group of three or more planets) in one sign or house, or with
Sun and Moon in one sign or house, or who have most of their
planets in one quadrant of the chart, are especially prone to
overspecialization. If you have a chart like this, you will find
a great deal of your energy concentrated in one area of life.
Naturally,
you will develop more skill and ability in that area of concentration
and may consequently be lacking in other areas our culture may
define as desirable or important. But why hate yourself for those
lacks? Only by some degree of specialization and devotion can
you build something really worthwhile. Many of the greatest talents
of our time are one-sided people because they devote so much
time to practicing their art. But to hate themselves for being
one-sided? That's as silly as a great neurosurgeon hating himself
because he can't pull teeth.
Self-hatred
can also be a rather strange inversion of self-love. "Look at
me! I'm so TERRIBLE! I'm the biggest monster on earth!" How very
important that makes you, doesn't it? Neptunians often fall into
this pattern - or Pisces-Leo combinations like my "meek" double
Leo friend, who loved to dramatize her own sense of worthlessness.
I asked a question in a poem once, and I still think it's a good
one: "why is true humility so foreign to the self-hating?" Find
some other way of being important besides being miserable.
If
you behave in self-defeating ways, start now to overcome these
crippling patterns. In some cases, psychotherapy may be needed,
but begin by understanding your natal chart in depth. It is a
priceless tool for gaining perspective on the self, for finding
the roots of conflict and self-defeat within us. By discovering
the sources of self-defeat and self hatred in your chart, you
will be able to free the life affirming parts to work more openly.
Only by accepting all parts of yourself and allowing them positive
expression can you become a healthy, fully integrated person.
| Authors
Details:
Donna
Cunningham
Donna
Cunningham has a master's degree in social work and over
25 years of counseling experience. She is the author of
numerous books. This
article is excerpted from her book "An Astrological Guide to Self-Awareness" |
|
