Relationships are one of the best and toughest paths to Self-realization. Yogis who fast, remain celibate, take vows of poverty, and live in caves have selected a difficult course. But that’s child play compared to being a “house holder”, a term used in India for one who pursues the spiritual path while having a job, raising a family, maintaining a home and all the concomitant responsibilities. Now that is an arduous path!
Some say soul mates are the ones who can push our buttons the best and who drive us crazy at times.
Others believe that everything flows effortlessly and peacefully with soul mates. Either may be true at different times depending on the agendas of the Souls involved. If I need to increase in patience and understanding, what better way than living with three females who have synchronized hormonal cycles? Who said God doesn’t have an interesting sense of humor!
The issue of relationships becomes very interesting when we remember we each are Eternal Souls. Relationships are not coincidental or unimportant. Think of the thousands of persons we encounter in our lifetimes; why do we form close and lasting relationships with one person but not another? We have to deal with recurring negative relation-ships sooner or later. Why not now?
Don’t be “held back” and experience a “hell” of lower quality living because of unresolved relationship issues. Serious spiritual seekers will make optimal relationships a priority. Love is the key and relationships provide a life long workshop for giving and receiving love. If persistent problems plague your relationships, consider the soul or karma aspects in addition to usual counseling considerations.
Remember that roles may have been reversed or quite different in past incarnations. For example, your rebellious son may have been your stern mother in an earlier life. Look beyond the usual dynamics and discern patterns that may need addressing. Past life regressions under hypnosis can assist healing relationship problems by letting go of past life conflicts.
One way to discern if you’re relating to a soul mate is to recall the first time you met in this life. Remember the description of memory triggers or cues that are planned just before souls return for new incarnations? In reviewing my first meetings with loved ones, time seemed to stand still for a moment. My brain seemed to whir faster than usual as if trying to comprehend the various energies and feelings. I felt happy inside as our eyes met and we held the gaze longer than customary or comfortable during first meetings.
One of Dr. Newton’s clients told of a memory trigger at age seven involving a silver pendant. The pendant of a neighbor lady shone brightly in the sun and the woman smiled at him. They became fast friends and, describing the event from the soul’s pre-incarnation perspective, he said “I will know her only a short time before we move, but it is enough. She will read to me and talk to me about life and teach me to respect people.”
As one progresses toward greater personal growth and heightened consciousness, relationships may encounter a new type of stress. One person may be actively involved with spiritual and holistic health improvementwhile the other couldn’t care less. The relationship may suffer if this gulf widens and interests remain markedly different. The rapidly changing partner may be in an overzealous or self-actualizing phase while the more orthodox partner may be content with the status quo. People hear the call in different times and ways. Spiritual wake-up calls may be misinterpreted as a marital problem, mental illness, or life-stage crisis. More persons will be experiencing “calls to action” as the time arrives for them to let their soul’s Light shine. For those desiring optimal soul growth, life’s dynamics will heat up until we agree to share our special gifts that contain the keys to realizing Heaven on Earth.
In a loving relationship, both persons have an appreciation for individual differences and needs. If problems surface, nourish the relationship, communicate often, and have patience. If, however, counseling and mutual efforts don’t improve a chronically unhappy and unrewarding relationship -move on. Life is for loving; too many have wasted their lives “sticking it out.”
A major key to healthy relationships is to see the Divinity in each other. Relationships based solely on lower chakra energies of physical attraction, dependency issues, and money are break-ups waiting to happen. The body may grow old and the mind feeble but, viewed through eyes of love, the soul’s beauty always shines through.
Relationships are a perfect opportunity for seeing the Divine in everyone. Recall your first loves and how you were thrilled to look deeply into each others eyes, the windows of the Soul. The problem is, most people limit opening their hearts to just a few others. Then they’re crushed when the relationship ends by death or parting. Make a habit of looking deeply, even if only for a moment, into the eyes of everyone you meet. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find the Beloved in everyone.
When first encountering 4th chakra energies, perhaps during “puppy love”, we may erroneously think love is something we can lose. As we grow into higher awareness, we realize love is inside and all around us. Love does not come from another person nor can it be lost since we are beings of Love. Then, whether in a relationship or not, we’re always enjoying an internal state of Love.
When a relationship does end, remember there is more than just one “true love” with whom to enjoy life. Love deeply but don’t “put all your eggs in one basket” and set yourself up for heartbreak. Just as diversification is wise in financial investing, keep a varied “portfolio” of beloved friends and family. Then, when a relationship ends, you won’t be left feeling so lonely, although, as you now know, you’re never alone.
I learned this the hard way 23 years ago. My first love was an inordinately large part of my life. We were young and I had an unhealthy over-dependence on her that, naturally, drove her away. After our break-up, the pain was so intense that I awakened at night with a wet pillow from crying in my sleep. That was the only time I have even briefly thought of suicide as a way to ease my pain.
My old self died that summer but other exciting doors opened as Ire-examined all aspects of my life. In the long run, the loss led to many blessings and lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise but what a painful way to grow! I italicize `loss’ because we never really lose true Love, one of the constants in life.
Brian Weiss says “It is through relationships that we learn to express and receive love, to forgive, to help, and to serve. From the experiences thatsome of my patients have in the ‘between life’ state, I have come to believe that we actually pick our families for each lifetime before birth. We chose to live out the patterns that will afford us the most growth with the souls that will most effectively manifest these situations in our lives. Very often, these are souls we have met and interacted with in many ways in other lifetimes.” If we picked each other, let’s love and appreciate one another and – when it’s time – let go lightly, remembering the Truth.
The older I get, the more I value loved ones. I deeply love my family and friends and, during trying times, know that they are providing the perfect environment for Soul growth. Real friends and family are there to listen, share, and enjoy. Loved ones are worth their weight in gold and are a key ingredient for spiritual progress.
Authors Details: Dr. Mark Pitstick Web Site