Genuine happiness seems to be elusive for many people. In order to find happiness ask the question – Where is your focus? For most people the answer to this question lies in the outside world. Your external focus leads to unhappiness and a continual search for an elusive and indefinable state of being. The outside world or the world around you is a mirror of yourself, your attitudes, beliefs and thoughts. The key to shaping and changing your situation is to focus on changing yourself. Look within.
Often people are searching for happiness. It is expressed as (…..)will make me happy. I will be happy when(…..). It is often material possessions and/or a soul mate that people believe will fulfill their desire and make them whole. The focus in both cases is external. Before you can form loving and intimate relationships you need to take care of and love yourself. You earn as much as your inner worth dictates, you are treated the way your beliefs allow and the perfect partner cannot be found until you acknowledge that you are perfect because your partner reflects you.
Your soul chooses to manifest into the physical body you have today, to create, express and experience. To find happiness and become whole you need to
1. Express and nurture yourself.
As a human being you need to express yourself. Expression means doing what you want to do, what you feel you have to do and showing the world who you are as an individual. This is often cloaked in an emotional cloud. Your path can be obscured by the powerful ‘should’ word. People often spend lifetimes doing what they should do as expressed by the wishes of their parents or society. “What will my parents think if I am the singer in a rock and roll band instead of a lawyer or doctor”. Find what you want to do as expressed by your soul. This is how you find your power.
Living a life that denies expression and your inner feelings means that you are not nurturing yourself and that you are suppressing your feelings. Suppression gives away your power. When you give your power to others it enables them to have undue influence over you. When people have too much power and influence over you and subconsciously you are not doing what you want, you feel helpless and victimized. This causes you to be frightened and angry. Anger is a symptom of your loss of power.
The easiest way to suppress feelings is to medicate. Drugs including alcohol and the use of food are popular methods employed. Emptiness, boredom and disease are the results of this process. Not doing what you want means you are not nurturing yourself this again may manifest in the abuse of food, alcohol or sex. The substance or behavior becomes a substitute for nurturing.
2. Love yourself and accept yourself as you are.
To find happiness you need to accept yourself and to love yourself as you are today. All of us have thoughts and feelings and everyone has, or has had, what they consider ‘bad’ thoughts. We have all done things that we are ashamed of.
There is both positive and negative in you. This is also known as light and dark. You must acknowledge and accept your dark side to become whole. No matter what you have done in the past you can change your behavior today. It is pointless to wallow in your feelings of guilt as this is based on the assumption that what you did was wrong. Your behavior always has a positive intent for you, at the time.
Acknowledgment of your dark side brings light.
Here is an exercise I read in a Louise Hay book. Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and say “(your name), I love and accept you just the way you are.” Do this everyday.
3. Set boundaries and live within them.
Boundaries are what defines your world. Many people don’t have them because
1. They have not thought about, what they want.
2. They have defined boundaries but fail to live within them.
You need to define what is acceptable and what is not, then you need to live by this.
Here is a simple example. You work for a grumpy boss. He is rude and raises his voice to you. This happens regularly and it is not important for this example how you respond. You are unhappy and express this with negative talk to your peers. Why are you unhappy? You do not live within your boundary. You understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Your boss continues because he can.
Expressing to him in a calm manner, that you do not accept and will not put up with this behavior is setting a boundary. To live within, is to take action. He may stop or you may leave and work somewhere else.
Not living within your boundaries is a major source of unhappiness.
4. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
The world around you is a mirror. It’s a mirror of everything that you think and believe. These thoughts and beliefs are what have built your world. What you think and expect, you get. The choices that are made moment to moment in what you think and how you behave creates your world. Look around you, into your mirror and note what you wish to change. Turn the focus within and find what this is reflecting in you. Change this aspect of you. Your world will change.
Blaming others and circumstance for your situation means you are not taking responsibility and ownership of and for yourself. Again the focus is on the external. This denial of ownership leads to a victim mentality and allows you to let the world roll by and circumstance to guide you. You will feel helpless as a result.
Don’t try to change the mirror. Change yourself.
You radiate with an energy and vibrate to a certain frequency. This vibration is set by the thoughts and beliefs you have, coupled with the emotions that surround you. Your vibration attracts like vibrations. This happens all the time with out you even thinking about the process. You will change when you change something in yourself and you become a different person. Your world changes automatically because it is a reflection of you.
This is a great indictor for you and needs to be embraced and cherished. It is a simple process but not always easy.
To take ownership means to acknowledge that you are responsible for who you are and what you have around you. You have a choice in everything you do.
You can find happiness and change your whole life with these four simple points.
Love and acceptance. The expression of who you are. Living within your boundaries and ownership of your life. This is about your direction and needs. Be assertive, you will no longer feel helpless and you will regain control.
Aymen Fares is an International Life Coach with clients all over the world. He is based in Melbourne Australia.
find out about his ‘Key To Life’ Manual